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I’m Selling My Love

The immigration process is a long and difficult one. I wouldn’t know, but that’s what I’ve at least heard. And after doing about 30 seconds of research on WikiHow and watching Parks and Rec, I started to think about how humans become natural citizens by obtaining a green card through marriage. Most people marry the immigrant that needs the green card out of love, some do it because they’re stupid, but I’m doing this for cold. hard. cash.

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I’m not too sure how much I would charge yet. I guess there’s some kind of sliding scale based on attractiveness, personality, and if I’m able to communicate with you. If you can speak English, then I’m definitely charging more. I’d like a nice woman that can’t speak the same language as me. The barrier would help give me some peace and quiet after a long day of work, and I wouldn’t have to come home just to listen to my wife nag all night. Plus over half of marriages end in divorce, so by not talking to each other we’ll never have a reason to fight and end our marriage. Together forever*, baby.

I haven’t decided on a girl or where to find one yet either. I could be like Tom Haverford and get me a nice little Canadian. Or maybe a beautiful European woman will do me just fine. But realistically, I’ll probably go with the common choice and marry a woman from Mexico. You pretty ladies won’t have to worry about jumping Trump’s wall anymore, just focus on getting over the wall around my heart instead.

For serious inquires, tweet at me @AaronSlone @aaronslone_com @AaronSlonex2

 

*until you become a citizen and finally have a reason to leave me

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