How to Take Down a Bully

It’s sad that bullying goes on, and I really do hate it for this girl that she’s a victim….but some fuckin retweets or shares on Facebook aren’t going to change SHIT. This isn’t me making fun of the little girl. There’s nothing to make fun about. This is me making fun of the people posting it on social media like it will actually help. These bullies are evil, evil people and social media won’t have any impact on how much they kick your ass or destroy you emotionally. Although I never had to deal with bullies, I saw my fair share of bullying happen. Which means I first hand witnessed several bullies being taken down. And today, I’m going to share my knowledge with you. Welcome to “How to Take Down a Bully”


Fight Them

Physically, you probably aren’t in the best shape. You might be tiny or fat, and that’s why you’re bullied. But just by standing up for yourself and fighting back just one time, you may earn the respect of the bully and they may actually leave you alone. But if the bully kicks your ass and continues to bully you days after the fight, then it’s time for your next option.

Gang Up on Them

Round up some of the other victims. It’ll be much harder for the bully take down 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, or even 10 of you all. But then again, who really knows. This bully might be an absolute animal.

Jump Them

You can’t beat them 1 on 1 or 1 on 10. So now, it’s time to do some sneak attack action. Bring your little crew of victims, and hide out somewhere the bully is known to be found. Bring weapons like baseball bats and crow bars, and just wait to catch the bully by himself. Make sure you stay clear of the head, because we aren’t trying to kill them (yet). Stick to some rib and knee cap action. Really make this bully feel some pain. And if this doesn’t work, then it’s clear that the physical game just isn’t for you. But luckily, you’re probably crazy from being bullied after all these years. So let’s play some emotional games.

Slash Their Tires

Maybe they got a bike or some shit? Destroy it. Slash their tires. Just fuck it up completely.

Steal Their Favorite Pen

I really don’t know. It doesn’t have to even be a pen. Just steal something they love and maybe it’ll really upset them. But now that I think about it, they’ll probably be so upset that they just need to kick someone’s ass. So if they do end up beating the shit out of you again, then……..

Kill Their Parents

A lot of people really love their parents, and an unexpected death could really cause them some emotional damage. But if you really want to fuck with your bully, then you should kill both parents and stage it as a murder suicide. Make it look like Daddy killed Mommy and then killed himself. Leave a note blaming it on the bully. Write something like:
“Son/Daughter, I really couldn’t stand being around your dumbass any longer. You’re absolutely worthless and you’ll never amount to anything. I’ve decided to end it all because of you, and to keep your mother from suffering (by having to raise you), I’ve decided to take her with me. Hasta La Vista, Bitch.”
After that doozy, your bully may be so upset that they might actually just go ahead and kill themselves too. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how terrible it’d be having to live with the burden of thinking you’re the reason both of your parents are dead. It must be awful. But guess what? Your bully is dead. You did it! You finally defeated the bully.

Now that I’ve given you SIX different options on how to defeat your bully, it’s time for YOU to get out there and get to work. Go create a better tomorrow for yourself today!



Please don’t actually take this seriously.


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