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New Year’s Resolution

Almost every single person reading this has came up with a resolution of their own before. Many do it every single year. We don’t always stick with our resolution because a lot of us are afraid of commitment (at least that’s what my last 3-4 girlfriends have said about me), but that’s not the point. The point is that you at least almost considered being a better person, so it’s the thought that counts.

This year though I promise I’m sticking to my resolution.

Most people decide to save money, become healthy, or improve their relationships with their family and loved ones. Since all of that is completely unrealistic for me to accomplish, I’ve settled on a much different resolution.

This year, 2019, I have decided to care even less.

I will care less about my financial situation, I will care less about my health, and I will care less about my relationships with friends, family, and whichever girl I may actually trick into spending the night with me (trick in a non-devious way, trick as in I will lie about myself to appear better than what I am. I may also lie and tell her that I love her. Need some feedback, though).

I plan on my life being too short for me to stress over the little things in life. Oh damn, I don’t have enough money to pay rent? Evict me. I’ve ballooned up to 300 pounds? The food was delicious. All my friends can’t stand being around me because I’m a cynical asshole? I have a PS4 and a bottle of Jergens, I can entertain myself.

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In 2019, we’re only having fun and not worrying about responsibilities or feelings, or even ourselves.

For breakfast, I’m going to eat a “deep dish” frozen pizza.

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Don’t fuck with me, 2019. This is my year.

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