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How Would You Spend Your Entire First Day as the Only Person in the World?

Saw this tweet asking what would be the first thing I did after I woke up and found out I was the last person alive in the world, so I answered it truthfully. Shortly after, I began to wonder what I would do during my ENTIRE FIRST DAY as the only person in the world.

I enjoy taking a shower to start my day. The hot water helps me wake up, and it also gives me time to plan my day.

After my shower, I would then get dressed in some comfy clothes and go ahead and pack my bag full of clothes that are very similar in style as the ones that I have just put on. After that, I would grab some pairs of shoes. I’d grab any other cool shit that I’d want to take, and then load it all up in my Jeep.

The trip to Cincinnati then starts. I’d travel to Great American Ball Park to take some swings off the pitching machine. It’s always been a dream of mine to hit one out at the Reds’ home stadium, and I’m sure I could accomplish it within three hours.

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After I finally knock the fuck out of a ball and send it into the Ohio River. After taking a second to ponder over my accomplishment and mark it off my bucket list, I then decide it’s time to go west (young man, haven’t you been told? California’s full of whiskey, women, and gold.)

I’d travel around the interstate until I found a semitruck that wasn’t filled up too much. After locating one, I’d empty that son of a bitch out completely and start driving to Kansas. I choose Wichita, because Topeka is too far East.

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I want to be in the center of the country so I can basically have equal travel to either coast. Plus since I am now in the middle of the country, I feel like I am more protected from civilization just in case other people somehow start to get reproduced.

During the trip, I periodically stop and loot a various amount of gas stations and superstores, basically taking everything I may need for survival purposes. Food, water, clothes, tobacco, and I even start acquiring dogs. The dogs aren’t only for companionship, but also for protection. I plan on training them to be my best friend while also teaching them ways to protect me from those possible intruders that my arise from the sand.

Before I get in Kansas, I stop at a few Lowe’s and Home Depot stores to obtain material to build my fort. Wood and equipment, mostly.

After arriving in Wichita, I would then travel to the Delano Township neighborhood. According to the only website I clicked on after googling “richest neighborhoods in Wichita ks”, this is the richest and best one.

 

I then unload all of the equipment that I have gathered into all of the houses that now belong to me. After my survival equipment is unloaded, I then build my fort around my neighborhood. I really don’t know how long this would take, but I at least spend 30 minutes starting it. By this time, I’m getting kind of sleepy.

I found the house that possesses my favorite bed, and choose to make that my permanent home. The other houses are basically storage units at this point.

It’s been a long day of having to comprehend the fact that I am the only person alive at this point, but I’ve kept myself busy so I wouldn’t have to think about the whole situation. And I plan on other events to help keep me busy, so I won’t go insane and kill myself.

Before I go to sleep though, I do start my research on possible animals that I may be able to reproduce with. It sounds sick and fucked up, but I’ll be damned if I let humanity die out completely. Plus, those kids of mine would also help keep me company, and they’d help run my empire until they had me killed so one of them could take over.

The only downside in this whole having to reproduce with animals thing? Other than actually having to have sex with an animal, of course. But the biggest downside would be that the world would eventually be inhabited by inbreds. That’s right guys, a whole world ran basically by hillbillies and rednecks.

Oh well, “a man’s gotta do what a man does.”

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