Thanksgiving Football Picks


We get football. We get food. We get naps. Some of you all out there get beer, but I elect not to drink around my family so I don’t shame them when I become an incoherent asshole and accidentally shit in the oven in front of grandma.

But still, what an amazing day. And what would make the day even better? Winning money, of course. And that’s why I’m here. Listen to me. Listen to my advice. Take these free picks, and I GUARANTEE* that you will be able to retire thanks to me after tomorrow. If you don’t trust me, just take a look at last year’s picks right here, where I went 4-0.

And wow, after reading that I just realized I am extremely unoriginal and can’t come up with a better intro so I basically reused the one from last year. Damn shame, oh well.

And again, I am not responsible for your financial fuck ups if this doesn’t work out.

BEARS -3.5 @ Lions, UNDER 44

We’re still not sure if Trubisky is playing or not due to a shoulder issue, but I truly believe Chicago will be fine with or without him since Chase Daniel will be filling in. No, Chase Daniel isn’t necessarily good but he’s still serviceable. My main reason for picking the Bears as well as the under all comes down to Chicago’s defense. I see Mack and company continuing to wreak havoc on opposing o-lines and quarterbacks, and this week’s victim is Matthew Stafford.

Final score prediction: Bears 20 Lions 13

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COWBOYS -7 vs Redskins, UNDER 41

Cowboys win this game and it’s basically because there’s no Alex Smith. I know Colt McCoy looked decent after he came in for Smith last week, but I don’t see him doing it on Thanksgiving Day in what is basically the biggest game of the year for both teams. Dak has improved his play lately, and as long as the Cowboys feed Zeke they should be able to score at least a couple of times. Another low scoring game, but Cowboys get the job done and cover.

Final score prediction: Cowboys 24 Redskins 10


SAINTS -13.5 vs Falcons, OVER 60.5

Let’s be realistic. Saints are the HOTTEST team in football, and the Falcons are coming off a loss at Cleveland and a last second loss against the Cowboys, so they’re basically dead and have nothing left to play for. New Orleans is going to kick the absolute shit out Atlanta, and hell they might even cover the over on their own.

Final score prediction: Saints 48 Falcons 21


OLE MISS +11.5 vs Mississippi State, UNDER 59

Our lone college bet for the day because who in the fuck wants to watch Air Force vs Colorado State? Mississippi State avenges their Egg Bowl loss from last year, but they don’t cover on the road against their rival. Mississippi State’s defense does show up though, and they’re able to somewhat shut down Ole Miss on offense.

Final score prediction: Mississippi State 31 Ole Miss 24

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