Don’t Try to Siphon Gas from U-Haul Trucks

Police in Portland are looking for a man who caught on fire after trying to siphon gas from a U-Haul recently. Security footage shows the man pulling up next to the U-Haul and hooking up a homemade siphoning hose. Next thing you know, shit hits the fan and EVERYTHING blows up. Afterwards, you see ole dude sprinting away from the fire with his entire lower half indulged in flames. Luckily for him, he was smart enough to at least take the pants off.

Police hasn’t tracked down the suspect yet, but they’re confident that they’ll find him. Their strategy? Basically wait for someone to go to the doctor with third degree dick burn would be my guess.

This is the main reason why I never really attempt to do anything illegal. I already know that I’ll end up fucking it all up and ending up in jail, but that’s not nearly as bad as the shit that I would have to take from people on the internet. Can’t imagine what it’d be like if this was me and having to read comments on the world wide web like “haha, look at fire crotch” or “wow this guy is basically the biggest idiot in the world I hope he fucking kills himself what a worthless moron go die bitch”. To me, it just isn’t worth it.

Not taking risks to avoid humiliation > Literally anything else in the world.


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