Aaron Laffey Gives up 14 Runs in Start, Immediately Retires After

Mets pitcher Aaron Laffey made a start last Wednesday for New York’s Triple A Affiliate, the Las Vegas 51’s. Who knew that this would be the last time we ever saw the guy play baseball?

Laffey would go 3 innings for the 51’s, which resulted in him giving up 14 runs. Fortunately for Laffey, only 12 runs were earned. Hours after the game, Laffey called it quits after a 16-year career. Was Laffey overreacting after this poor outing and did he call it quits prematurely? Absolutely fucking not.

This goes back to the Auburn Right Fielder having to retire. These sports fans never forget or forgive. You could go your entire career being an unknown. That doesn’t mean you suck, or anything. It just means that you did your job and didn’t focus on trying to be too great (because that creates expectations), all while doing JUST ENOUGH to not be unemployed. But once you have such a shitty performance, or you have just one shitty play like that Auburn Right Fielder, sports fans are instantly going to know about you and the only thing they’ll ever remember about you is your duff. They will follow you everywhere you go, and they will yell harsh obscenities at you until one day you snap and just run away while basically falling off the face of the earth.

Way to get ahead of the game though, Aaron Laffey. It’s always smart to run and avoid the slander. Because if you can’t hear the slander then it can’t have an impact on you. Kudos to you, my guy. Enjoy living off that professional baseball player money for the rest of your life.


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