Real Life Mean Machine: Defense Tryouts (pt. 2)

It seems like almost every other day you see some sort of athlete in the news for being arrested, and a lot of the time they come from the National Football League. Out of curiosity, I did some research (Googled NFL Arrests) and found that 896 arrests were recorded in a database on USA Today. After scrolling through some of the database I thought “wow, some of these guys are pretty talented. Imagine if they had played together.” and then I was inspired to create my Real Life Mean Machine team. The limit that I put on the team is 90 total players, because that’s how many a NFL team can have on the roster after the conclusion of their Mini-Camp. So the following players will be battling it out during the pre-season for a chance to play for the prestigious Mean Machine team. These guys were arrested, charged, cited, detained, indicted, or they surrendered. Some of these situations aren’t that bad at all, some are pretty bad, and some are terrible. USA Today Database

In Part Two of the Defense Tryouts, we look at the secondary and the punters.

Defensive Backs

Darrelle Revis- Revis was charged with assault in February of 2017. Revis was accused of knocking two men out in Pittsburgh, but the video of the incident only shows two men unconscious. Charges were dismissed.

Adam “Pacman” Jones- Pacman’s got a pretty impressive police record. In 2005, Pacman surrendered after being accused of assault and vandalism after being asked to leave a Nashville night club. The charges were dropped after the club owner decided to not pursue. Pacman then had an eventful 2006. In February, he was arrested for drug possession and he was also accused of throwing a punch at an officer. Pacman was placed on three years probation and had to pay a $500 fine. Jones was then charged for drug possession the next month when he apparently got out of Corvette that “reeked” of marijuana. Cops obtained a warrant and searched his house but found nothing, so the charges were dropped. In August of that year, Pacman was arrested for public intoxication after getting in a verbal accusation with a woman outside of a Nashville club. The charges were dropped since he agreed to stay out of trouble for the next 6 months. But then in October he was cited for assault for spitting in woman’s face outside of the club. That charge was dropped due to inconsistent testimony. In 2007, Pacman faced gun charges after a strip club shooting in Las Vegas that paralyzed a man. Pacman agreed to testify against the gunman to avoid prison time. In 2011, Pacman was arrested for disorderly conduct and resisting arrest outside of a bar in Cincinnati. In 2013, he was arrested for assault after being accused of punching a woman outside of a bar in Cincy. Later in 2013, he was arrested for disorderly conduct and had to pay $130 for fines and court fees. Pacman’s most recent run in with the law came in January of 2017 when he was arrested for assault. Pacman poked a hotel security worker in the eye and then obstructed police. He pleaded guilty and served two days in jail.

Aqib Talib- In 2009, Talib was arrested for assault after hitting a cab driver in Tampa. He went through a diversion program and settled on a civil agreement with the cab driver. In 2011, police issued a warrant for Talib’s arrest after he fired a gun near the head of his sister’s boyfriend. That charge was dropped.

Ty Law- Law was arrested in 2004 after resisting arrest by speeding away when police tried to stop his Rolls Royce because of a lane violation. That charge was dropped though.

Charles Woodson- Woodson was arrested for DUI in 2000 with a BAC of .24 in Ann Arbor. He pleaded guilty and served 60 hours of community service. Woodson was then arrested again in 2004 when he was drunk and refused to leave a woman’s car at 4 a.m. The charges were dropped.

Marlon Humphrey- Humphrey was arrested for robbery after being accused of stealing $15 phone charger and refusing to give it back to an Uber driver. I don’t know how you can let a guy like this continue their career in the NFL.

Sean Taylor- Taylor was arrested in 2004 for DUI when he was pulled over for speeding and refused to take a breathalyzer test. He was then arrested in 2005 for assault after pointing his gun during a confrontation concerning his vehicles. Taylor served 18 months of probation. RIP Goat.

TJ Ward- A warrant was issued for Ward in 2014 for assault after he was accused of throwing a glass at a female bartender after being told he couldn’t buy anymore alcohol at the strip club. Ward went through a diversion program and served four hours of community service. Ward was again arrested in October of 2017 for marijuana possession.


Pat McAfee- McAfee was arrested for public intoxication after police found him swimming in a canal late at night. When police asked McAfee what he was doing he responded “I am drunk”. McAfee went through a diversion program, paid a $298 fine, and was suspended for a game by the Colts.

Todd Sauerbrun- This punter was multiple legal issues, which is kind of unheard of for a punter. He was arrested in 2004 for DUI, and pleaded guilty. He paid a $100 fine, served a year of probation, and couldn’t drive in the state of North Carolina for 30 days. In 2008, Sauerbrun was cited for simple assault after an incident with a cab driver. Sauerbrun pleaded guilty to disturbing the peace and agreed to 24 hours of community service.


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