Real Life Mean Machine: Offense Tryouts (pt. 1)

It seems like almost every other day you see some sort of athlete in the news for being arrested, and a lot of the time they come from the National Football League. Out of curiosity, I did some research (Googled NFL Arrests) and found that 896 arrests were recorded in a database on USA Today. After scrolling through some of the database I thought “wow, some of these guys are pretty talented. Imagine if they had played together.” and then I was inspired to create my Real Life Mean Machine team. The limit that I put on the team is 90 total players, because that’s how many a NFL team can have on the roster after the conclusion of their Mini-Camp. So the following players will be battling it out during the pre-season for a chance to play for the prestigious Mean Machine team. These guys were arrested, charged, cited, detained, indicted, or they surrendered. Some of these situations aren’t that bad at all, some are pretty bad, and some are terrible. USA Today Database

In Part 1 of Offense Tryouts, we take a look at the Quarterbacks, Running Backs, and the Fullbacks.


Michael Vick– Vick was cited in 2007 for trespassing a private lake. That charge was dropped. However, he was indicted in 2007 for dogfighting. Dogfighting cost him a 23 month jail sentence (served 19 months) and an NFL suspension until 2009.

Jake Plummer– In 2006, Jake Plummer was charged in a road rage incident that resulted in him kicking someone’s truck. Plummer had to go through a diversion program and pay $26 for a broken license plate bracket.

Daunte Culpepper– Daunte was charged in 2005 for disorderly conduct due to the whole Vikings Love Boat situation on Lake Minnetonka. Daunte’s charge was dropped.

Running Backs

Adrian Peterson– Peterson was arrested in Houston in the summer of 2012 for resisting arrest at a nightclub. That charge was dropped. Peterson faced more legal trouble in 2014 when he was indicted for child abuse (injuring his child with a tree branch while disciplining him). Peterson had to pay a $4,000 fine and serve 80 hours of community service.

Jamal Lewis- In 2004, Lewis was indicted for drug dealing and cocaine possession in Atlanta. He pleaded guilty to using a cell phone to set up a drug deal, and was sentenced to four months in prison. Lewis was also suspended for two games.

Ricky Williams– Ricky’s NFL career didn’t work out as well as many expected, but he still had an amazing amount of talent. Ricky was arrested in 2000 for failure to appear in court for traffic incidents. He had to pay $429 in fines. He was then arrested again in 2002 for reckless driving after going 126mph on the interstate. Ricky pleaded to a reduce charge, and paid $500. Ricky was then cited that summer after driving his Hummer with expired tags, no license, and no proof of insurance. He was also accused of acting incoherently. This incident led him to be cuffed and ticketed. I don’t know how this guy never got caught with possession of weed.

Marshawn Lynch- Lynch has been charged once and arrested twice since he’s been in the NFL. In 2008, he was charged with reckless driving. Lynch was accused of hitting a woman with his Porsche SUV, and then driving away. Lynch’s license was revoked and he paid a $150 fine. He was then arrested in 2009 for Guns and Drugs. Police checked Lynch’s car with no tags and discovered that it smelt like marijuana. After checking his trunk, they found a gun and weed cigarettes (does that mean blunts?). Lynch was arrested again in 2012 for a DUI in Oakland.

Le’Veon Bell- Le’Veon was pulled over in 2014 with LeGarrette Blount in the passenger seat. Le’Veon was arrested for drug possession while LeGarrette was detained. Le’Veon had to go through a diversion program while being on probation for 15 months. He also had his license suspended for 60 days.

Fullbacks (I Guess This Is Still A Position)

Mike Sellers- In 2000, Sellers was arrested for DUI. Sellers was convicted, and faced an 18-month suspended jail sentence. He also had a one-year suspension on his license. Sellers was then pulled over again in 2001 for DUI and Cocaine Possession. Sellers pleaded guilty to drunk driving and was cut by Cleveland a week later.

Dennis McKinley- McKinley was accused of heading a drug-trafficking ring and buying marijuana from Mexico and storing it at a warehouse he rented. He was convicted and sentenced to 2 1/2 years of prison. McKinley also had to pay a fine of $180,000. Unfortunately, the Cardinals cut him hours after his arrest.

Owen Schmitt- This is the crazy guy that busted his head open with his helmet. He wasn’t arrested for that though. In 2009 he was arrested for drunk driving. Schmitt was given a 1-year suspended jail sentence, 24 hours of community service, and had to pay $2,130 in fines and fees.






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